Horoscopes
With Carole Kalaya
The Pillar
⎊
Wagon wheels portend doom.
The Twins
🜣
Be wary of dumplings.
The Chalice
🜟
Everything happens for a reason... except that.
The Mariner
⏚
It would be best to return what you stole.
The Harvest
⚶
You may find deliverance where night is darkest.
The Forest
🜎
The gnome will return... with friends.
The Prince
🜲
What you seek knows you seek it.
The River
⌇
You will find great wealth, and then lose it.
The Pulse
🝠
You will soon be judged.
The Weaver
❃
Several trees are angry with you.
Jereliah's Joke Junction
With Jereliah Stonebrow
Whether you're ten feet tall or ten inches tall, these goofs are sure to leave ya hootin' 'n' hollerin' til the firbolgs come home!
What do you call a wyvern that won't stop asking questions?
A whyvern!
How many Polarins does it take to change a magitech lantern?
Two: one to hold the ladder, and the other to fix the new lantern!
What do you get if you cross a dragon with a manticore?
A ticket out of town!
What do you call a pirate without a criminal record?
New hire!
What's the difference between a thief and a warlock?
One cuts purses and the other puts curses!
Where do dragons eat after dark?
An all-knight diner!
What happens when a druid, a firbolg, a cat, and a ribbet walk into a bar?
The barkeep goes, "What is this, a joke?"
Vespera's Magitech Corner
How Wizards Use Entropy to Go Places!
It's your resident wizard, back again with another hot tip about how to improve your sorcery! Actually, this week, it's a cold tip... super cold! In fact, the absolute and total absence of heat!
What am I talking about, you ask? Entropy! Magicians have known about this strange magical property for many years, but it's only recently that we've learned how to harness it. In fact, you've probably seen a practical application of it yourself on the bazaar shelves: an infinite bag!
A portal to a pocket dimension
Here's how it works: Over time, every universe decays into nothingness, through a process we call entropy. The same amount of mana still exists in them, but it's spread infinitely far apart. This makes those universes very easy to open portals into, because there's only almost no ambient mana pushing back against us. This is how infinite bags are made!
This property also makes those universes exceptionally cold, because the heat is also spread far apart. In fact, most infinite bags -- at least, the quality ones! -- have heating runes embroidered into the inside of the bag, so you don't lose your fingers reaching in. And that's why the bags are expensive and difficult to make.
We don't just use pocket dimensions for infinite bags, though! Some resourceful wizards use them for storing other types of hazardous objects, in which case they often have to build huge heating systems to keep temperatures inside comfortable!
Keep practicing and someday you might find yourself using a pocket dimension of your own!
